How do children become more self-reliant?

The more children are urged to eat the more the appetite is suppressed. The more you remind children to finish music practice, the more they whine. So, HOW do you get children to be more self reliant?Helping children become more self reliant

  1. you catch them doing it right – you catch them finishing music practice or you catch them eating their veggies
  2. you create routines. Routines help children make better choices. In general, routines reduce resistance. So, if the routine is to get a 1/2 hour of screen time after the music practice is done, and he never ever gets screen time, if he doesn’t finish music practice, a habit is created – especially if he REALLY wants the reward. Another routine might be about doing weekly chores. The children cannot go out for pizza night unless they work together to get the front lawn picked up and the vacuuming done.

How quickly the child becomes self-reliant depends on the child and his temperament. An Easy Going child falls into a new routine rather easily. But a child that has an Extreme Temperament will have a more difficult time. If your child is intense or impulsive, in general, even if they are very bright, they have more Inflexible Temperament. It will take more time with this kind of a child, but you just need to be consistent and lay on the Descriptive Praise a little thicker. It is important for you to realize that your child is not a bad child. He isn’t deliberately being impulsive or digging his heals in about routines. He needs you to help him learn the routine and wants you to notice him getting it. He wants to please you and you’ll notice when you do, he lights up with pleasure. Do more of that! The lighting up will help those routines become a habit.

So, in conclusion, you need your child to be able to cooperate and be self-reliant so that they can do things for themselves. Making clear rules and routines is the first step. If we need our children to be able to control their impulses, so that they can pay attention and follow the family’s rules, we need to take the time to help them learn and be cooperative about family routines. Cooperation follows Descriptive Praise. Routines follow Cooperation. Self-Reliance follows Routines.

How to Survive (and enjoy) the holidays with small children

Tough emotional moments happen during holidays – there is so much excitement and longer hours and lots of family visits and presents and surprises. The parents have greater expectations for their children in front of their family and finances can be stressed, during the holidays, so the parents might have a more difficult time being patient.

  • My first suggestion is to BREATH and remember the reason for the season and think about how you want your children to remember it. This will perhaps help you clear your plate and take time to enjoy the moments and not stress when your child loses it.
  • The second thing that you can do is to carve out Special Time with each child. It gives them a bubble of safe and comforting basking in the warmth of the parent’s attention and this can go a LONG way.
  • The third thing is to really try to take care of yourself, take a break and chat with a friend when you get frustrated. Especially during a stressful time like the holidays, you need to let some steam off and to focus on you and not the children or your ToDo list.
  • And…. when you’ve taken some time for yourself, cleared your schedule and given your child some extra attention, and your child just LOSES it, stay calm, make sure the child is safe, and listen. Listening helps. Reflective Listening (with genuine concern and interest). This means be empathetic. Don’t be logical with your child’s feelings.

If you have problems using the tools that I have been teaching you about, during the holidays, please schedule a call with me. I want you to feel “successful,” during this season – meaning that you handle the tantrums, move your child through his emotions without yelling, and still foster a loving relationship with your children.

Surviving your holiday starts with taking care of you

As always, I am here to help. I offer classes, groups seminars, on-line coaching and phone-coaching calls. My mission, as always, is to support YOU so that you can support your child – that is why I call it coaching.